Monday, July 16, 2012
Worries and Idiocy of a Sexual Nature -- Be Warned!
There is a serious problem going around. And no R, I'm not even talking about that rape joke you were discussing (which is horrid enough). It's 50 Shades of Grey and the rest of the series. There are several things wrong with this series. The first and simplest being that it was written originally as Twilight fanfiction. The second being it's poorly written in general. But the most serious crime? It's an abusive relationship. But the author doesn't call it an abusive relationship. Oh no, that's just the NATURE of Dom/sub relationships! No. No it is not. And the problem with this is people are reading these books and going "oh that sounds sexy! Let's try this out!" without actually doing their research. And a great many people are going to hurt themselves and others by attempting to live out the books. There are a lot of difficulties in navigating such a relationship, and communication is key to solving ALL of them. Communication in discovering boundaries. Communication in determining safe words and how to use them properly. Communication in what types of kink you're exploring. Leaving the sexual relationship to sex only, and having a comfortable relationship outside of the bedroom. (You can have a D/s relationship that is non-sexual, but I'm assuming for these purposes that we're talking about a sexual one.) Trust. Trust is the key here as well. Another key point in a D/s relationship is that a Dom is not "superior" than a sub, they merely choreograph, so to speak. Anyone who goes into a D/s relationship and receives unwanted sex-shaming (calling you a slut, or a whore, etc.), intentional disregard of opinions and preferences -- these people are not Doms, they are insane. They need therapy to realize that people are humans, not sex-toys. This is also not to say that there are no relationships that involve terms like 'slut' and 'whore'. There are some relationships where that is AGREED UPON and DISCUSSED as appropriate in the context of play. There are some relationships that use shame and punishment, in the context of play, and there are some that do not. But it REALLY SCARES ME when someone talks about how their friend/s is/are convincing them to read 50 Shades of Grey. For f*ck's sake, the man's got mommy issues that he takes out on his partners! How disturbing can you get? That being said, enjoy the ONLY version of 50 Shades of Grey that I find palatable.